Silence

Very seldom a word in my vocabulary, it is what it is and the last few days it is what I have felt like. I use the "10-second" quote so much but truly, a week ago last Friday morning, on November 9th, I had a 10 second moment. Robert and I had just finished reading Our Daily Bread for the morning and was just getting ready to pray when the phone rang. 7:10 a.m., when I looked at the number and saw it was my mom, there were no alarm bells or anything. I assumed she wanted to tell me she was off to somewhere and wouldn't be at home at 7:30 when I called on my way to work. As I answered the phone I could tell her first words were filled with tears, so my thought then was something had happened to her dog. Mandy is fine, my Uncle Junior was not. Her sentence, "they found Uncle Junie dead". I don't really remember anything except saying I was on my way, telling Robert, running in the bedroom and telling Andrew and then I was out the door. What a shock to the system. I actually think we all went through the next few days on autopilot, looking back, I remember things but it was really a big blur.  So, over the last week, I have sat down several times to blog and just didn't even know where to start.

My uncle was very special to me, we often butted heads but I think we both made a sport out of it, I can't tell you how much I will miss that.  To top it off, he left the business of taking care of his estate to me. My uncle may have looked like a country bumpkin but when it came to his finances, he kept good care of stuff and had things in good order. The fact that he trusted me with making sure everything was taken care of after he was gone has been an honor. I worried about how things would go until I went to the lawyer and as I said, he had done everything right, he had a will, he had already deeded all the ground separate from the will and it looks like once the pigs are all sold, we can pretty well wrap things up.

So, I have so many things I would love to say but I just won't. It is time to move on and find my new normal, and more importantly help my mom find hers because she had not went 48 hours without seeing her brother for a long time and she is going to have a lot of gaps to fill.

Last week, I went to Weight Watchers. I had really been good through the weekend and even after the dinner that Mike Saathoff had for us, I had hit my 30 lb mark. This last week though, I just quit caring, I didn't want to workout, I didn't want to track, basically, I wanted to eat and sleep and that I did. Tonight I get to pay for that. I wasn't going to weigh, I was just going to go, but I think a part of me needs to see what 1 week of not caring can do to me because I am going to have to care for the rest of my life. So, I am hoping it is not more than 2 lbs but I am also giving myself permission to accept it and go on, making this coming week one of the best I have had for a while.

So, now that I have made this post and broken the silence, I can go on.

and I will....