Thursday, January 22, 2015

Ready, Set, Go

I feel like I have had a grand "failure to launch" into 2015 and I can't really pinpoint why.

It just seems like since the first of the year, life is a blur and quite honestly, there has been a lot of sadness in it.

I have already been to two visitations and one funeral, I am going to another visitation this coming Friday night and if there were to be a visitation for another friend of mines family member, I would be going to it.

There are also many changes going on in Springfield, those changes will end up affecting me, either good or bad; but immediately, it has thrown some people I consider friends into a job hunt, or a transition and although it comes with the territory, I feel bad that anyone has to go through that.

And then of course, there seems to be my "January UC flare-up", I don't know how to prevent it but I have had a bad flare every year for the last 3 years, so I guess I need to know to expect it, wish I knew what to do to keep it from happening, but I guess I try again next year. Starting on prednisone on the 9th for at least a month kinda threw a wrench in my "get back on the weight loss train". I have such a love/hate relationship with prednisone it isn't even funny. While it makes the symptoms of the UC try to settle down (it hasn't really done that yet), it makes me feel like I weigh 2 ton, and makes me starve. A lot of people have that side effect, and then there are ones who don't. Why couldn't I just once be one of the don'ts?

Andrew thinks it's not getting any better because I called the doctor sooner, I know that doesn't make sense but fact is, I have never gotten to the point that I am normally in when I finally do call the doctor so I know what he is saying. I have leveled off and I don't normally do that. My body does some other things through the process and I am right in the middle of that and when I really think about it, I am not nearly where I normally at during this point, so he is right, I'm missing the worst--which hopefully keeps me out of another hospital stay.

Oh enough of that, I hate sounding like I am complaining and I guess there was no way around it, I was complaining. It is really, really, REALLY hard to "in everything give thanks" when you have to be thankful you have UC. but I am going to be thankful that it isn't as bad as normal. There.


Moving on......I have accomplished a lot of things already this year, I just have to really think about it. For one thing, I put us on a financial diet the first of the year. I had slipped into a pattern of every time I came home 10 minutes later than normal, I could rationalize eating out. We were eating out 2 to 4 times a week. We have not ate out as a family, or even just me and Andrew, once since the new year started. We have went to DQ for Ice Cream a couple of times (feeding the prednisone sweet tooth in my case) but we have done really well at roping it in. Andrew and Robert have both been cooking more, which helps. I am back to making a monthly menu which I have to admit, my organized side has missed.

I redid the microwave counter and am ready to redo my kitchen counters, and hopefully get the backsplash up.  That will happen before the end of this month; at least the countertops will.

I have decluttered my guest room closet as well as the rest of the room, and the bottom kitchen cabinets. I have learned a new bookkeeping system for Andrew's business and have his books up to date and I have everything gathered to do our taxes this coming Saturday. First time in YEARS now I am actually looking forward to doing the taxes. No surprises this year though, at least not ones that are going to cost me money back to the IRS. (I know I told some of you, but last October, we got a letter from the IRS stating we owed them $35,000. Andrew called me all excited and bless my heart, for once in my life, I remained calm. I told him I knew it was a mistake and that I would take care of it when I got home. Sure enough, I had made a mistake and when I called the IRS, the girl I dealt with actually laughed at what I told her I knew I had done. She agreed with me 100%, I sent the amendment, thinking I would really probably owe another couple of hundred dollars just to find out, I didn't owe a thing. Whew!!)

Anyway, with all the startup expenses for the new business, this will be a happy tax year, I have already been informed by one of my friends whose husband has his own business that this will be the LAST happy tax year, but hey, I think I deserve one after the mess the last couple of years have been.

So, looking at all of that, I haven't had a failure to launch, I guess I just haven't taken time enough to sit back and breathe long enough to realize this is a new year. Anyhoo....I still feel a little like someone who slept through Christmas, just really didn't have a big separation there between '14 and '15.

In the midst of it all, I went to take Gibbs to be neutered and declawed. I can't believe I am such a fool over a cat. I love our dogs but the dogs are both girls and Andrew and Robert always rate higher on their scale than I but Gibbs, he likes the guys but he makes it very clear to everyone who he belongs to. Anyway, when I found out he would have to stay two nights if we declawed him, I chickened out. I trust Doctor Bob with my life, but I knew Gibbs would not fair well. I was right. I think everyone in the office was thankful he didn't have to stay any longer. Not a good patient doesn't even begin to put the icing on the cake.

So, this is my jumping off post I guess, my "getting through what I blogged about last" (which still just has it's moments of really stinging) and what I am going to be up to next.

So, Happy Thursday, Happy January and Happy Rest of the Day Today as well as Happy Tomorrow!






Friday, January 9, 2015

What a Wonderful Life

Usually when I titled my blog something like that I am getting ready to tell you all the good things that have been happening. This time, the Wonderful Life isn't mine, and though good has happened for my friend. It has taken me almost a week to think of all the things I wanted to say.

When I was little and of course went to church where I have belonged all my life, there was another little girl who went to church and belonged there too. Her name was Amy. She was a couple years older than me so my oldest memories of church, she was there. As we grew up, we were never best friends but we were always good friends. As we got to be teenagers, we found the back row of the church on Sunday nights and often Dairy Queen after said service, as soon as Robert was old enough to drive. Robert came into our lives when Amy was in 8th grade and I was in 6th. Robert was in 8th grade too. Somehow, some of us, me included, knew those two were a pair from day one. I so remember one of the girls on the bus one evening who had a crush on Robert. She had written in the condensation on the bus windows that she loved Robert. I told her that was never going to happen and I know she thought I was talking about me so I had to tell her Robert liked Amy.

Sometime during that first winter, after Christmas, it snowed. My dad couldn't stay in the house in a snow to save his life, so he and I got in the truck and went visiting. He wanted to see Ted so I could see Amy. It must have been the week after Christmas because Amy went and got this box of chocolates. Robert had got them for her for Christmas. It was the first time she had ever received a gift from a boy. I told her that day that I knew she knew he was the one. She said yes, she probably did. Over the next 4 years though, they were typical kids and some of those trips to DQ was Dave Bowers and I playing matchmaker because they were officially "broke up". In one of my yearbooks she wrote, "Thanks for helping get me and Robert together". I told her that since it was going to be there for the ages, she had to stay together. And they did.

We had such a wonderful childhood. There were just a lot of us that lived in a little 5 mile area that had been through everything together and that is truly what I feel is the meaning of roots. We had numerous church trips to here and there, Six Flags, Kings Island, and Opryland, back when Opryland was still an amusement park. I remember getting totally soaked on the river rapids ride. All of us girls seriously went into the bathroom and rung our clothes out.  I remember ski trips, and lastly, the Women of Faith trip that Amy and Karen went to. They had to leave early for a wedding but it felt like old times when they were there.

We spent many nights having youth group parties, skating in Lowell and Nita Wellbaums's basement, swimming at Mark and Sheryl Fulton's as well as skating on her mom and dad's pond in the winter. 

Amy was also in band so we had many band trips together.  She graduated before we got to go to the Rose Bowl Parade, which I hated, and she did too.

I don't remember not knowing Amy had Cystic Fibrosis. I remember one time when I was really little, Dad and I had been to her house and I had seen the tent over her bed and asked him about it. That's when he told me that she was sick and would probably not get to grow up. I guess after that, I just measured what I saw against what was said. They would say she wasn't going to live to be 16. Her 16th birthday was on a Sunday and we were at church and she was doing well, it was a good day. I can't imagine your life being laid out in time frames for you, but Amy used that to live her life. I don't know what I would do, I don't think any of us do until we would be faced with it. She truly lived.

There were several times when we thought she wasn't going to make it, 20 years ago she needed a lung transplant. I was not here, I was in Pontiac so I didn't see her first hand but I heard that she was really struggling. Alice sent me a picture of their family at Christmas that year and I had our church up there praying for her, I seriously believe half the world was praying for her. It was a hard thing to pray for, she needed lungs. And we all knew that in order for that to happen, someone else was going to lose a loved one. Facts are facts though and many people die everyday and none of them are going to need any of their organs after that. I will never forget the day. We had absolute horrible weather the night before. Robert and I came home from Pontiac as tornadoes were raging through central Illinois. We saw two at Bloomington and then as we were getting to Champaign, the radio was saying to take cover. I got off the 74 to get onto 57 and stopped. I was just about to get Robert out of his car seat and get in the ditch when lightening flashed and I could see the tornadoes about a mile south of us. yes, there were two. I saw 4 all together that night. Anyway, I was at Mom's the next morning when the phone rang about 5:30, Amy and Robert were on a helicopter heading to Chicago to get her lungs. I can't even tell you the joy I can still feel every time I think of that moment. Since we were close to Chicago we got to go see her. The first time we went was on Tuesday after her surgery on Saturday. I need to back up and tell you, she always loved kids, and my Robert was no exception. We were in PA when he was born and the first time I brought him home, she had a port in her arm and couldn't hold him. It broke both of our hearts. That Tuesday though, Alice had taken us in to see Amy. We could only wave at her and Robert through the glass. Alice was holding Robert though and away she went and took him in to see her. It was so great a week later going up and eventhough we wore masks, we got to be in the same room and know how much better she was really doing.

I could go on forever about memories, good and bad, She was there for me when my dad died and when my mom was sick, I told her dad Sunday, seriously, I think she has been there more for me than I had for her. When we lived away, she had sent me a card and said if you get internet, here is my email address. Guess who the first person I emailed was? her address at the time was newlungs@________. I can't remember the carrier. Anyway, I'm going to move on.

I cannot tell you either, how many other CF patients she has introduced us to and that she has had her church family praying for. She just truly was an amazing person. And though her life was not a bed of roses by far. She made every day count so we can look back and say, she truly was a Wonderful person.  The epitome of taking what God hands you and saying let me see what I can do with this, she did it all.

Hopefully, you have stuck with me through this because I'm getting to something really important.
We need to support finding a cure for Cystic Fibrosis. They have came up with lots of new treatments, but no cure. There is no federal funding for this, so it has to be donated. Please visit any of the websites at the end of the video I'm going to embed for more information.

Another thing I am asking is that you seriously consider organ donation. You truly will not need them after you are gone. After everything Amy had been through, she was still able to donate her eyes. I truly hope in someway, whoever gets them can truly see the world as Amy did.

So, as I said, I could write a book, there are so many things, her cousin preached the funeral yesterday and said "I didn't even have to make any of this up" which was funny but so true. I don't believe there was a person alive that knew Amy that didn't love her.

I leave you with One Republic's I Lived. I had heard the song before but had no idea that the video to it was made to raise awareness for CF. 

Amy truly lived, and everyone who knew her, have richer lives because she did.....and does.....already looking forward to seeing her again when I get there. Through all the struggles just to breath here on earth, I know she is rejoicing with Jesus and has been since last Saturday. She isn't struggling to breath anymore and she is breathing in a glory that we cannot even imagine.



Friday, January 2, 2015

2015

Happy 2015!!

It seems the last few years have brought on so many changes that all I would really like is to have one year that doesn't, for a change!

I am really glad to see 2014 go, we had ups and downs this last year and I guess my major personal thing was spending so much time in uncertainty. I think it has made me remember more than ever that you can't take anything in your life for granted. Everything can change in a blink of an eye. 10 seconds.....the time it takes for the brain to register what it has just been told. I just keep holding on to promises from God that He will never leave me, He will take care of me and He will never give me anything I can't handle.

I didn't make any resolutions, I set goals. I almost always do. I guess I'm not ready to share those publicly yet but I do have something to share. The way God started off my day got me to really thinking about something and analyzing me, myself and I.

I was reading a passage in Matthew this morning, Matthew 21:28-32. This is a parable about a father telling one of his sons to go work in the vineyard. The son says no, he won't, but then later does it.  The father told the other son to go work in the vineyard and he said he would but he didn't.

Anyone who spends much time around me knows I very seldom tell someone no. I am very willing to drop whatever I am doing to go do whatever is asked of my by somebody else. I realized this morning though that I am at fault of God telling me to do things and I think, "I will do that", then time passes and I don't get it done and I think it is no big deal. Case in point, I have several friends that have various illnesses; some cancer, some failing organs, some that their hearts are hurting. I hear God tell me, "You should call them", "you should text them", "you should send them a card", and I think, yeah, I will get that done, and then I don't. Notice I am being nice to myself. Not sure God is saying "you should" but I guess that soothes my conscious a bit that he isn't just saying, YOU call them, YOU text them, you get the picture.

Anyway, I am at work today and even though it is a good day, I have had a hairy situation to try to deal with this morning. It involved my clients who used to be clients of one of my counterparts in Chicago and a mixed up mess in a program we used. I drew everything out and realized what I needed to do to fix it, and did what I could but it is going to take several steps, including me calling my clients and my friend calling hers. What a first day of the year!

I had just hung up the phone and sent off an email saying I had it figured out when my phone beeps. When I saw who the message was from I curiously opened it, and there was an attachment that she had sent that was very personal to me, something we have in common. I read through it, watched the videos with it and laughed, what a treat compared to what I had been dealing with.

The thing is, it just took her a minute, and she may have even sent it to multiple people, but it made my day. Just knowing someone saw this and thought of me. Sometimes we get so tangled up in trying to save the world that it just takes you off guard that someone took the time.

My assistant is really good about this, in fact, she debates about if she should hold off on stuff, but it seems to just be part of her that this is what you are supposed to do. I seriously think I used to be that way, I just lost it somewhere in the middle of being busy. I don't think it was a good thing to lose.

So, that is my new goal for this year, to be better about taking a second to tell someone that I am thinking of them, to try to brighten their day. I often wonder if anyone really thinks their life is better because I exist (yes, of course I've watched It's A Wonderful Life recently). This little epiphany just popped up that you have to seriously be IN their lives to start with, for them to even think about it.

I get so caught up in taking care of people who are basically strangers, and don't get me wrong, that's not going to change, I love what I do and I love helping people; but, it has dawned on me that maybe I spend more thought and time on total strangers than I do my own friends and family.

Just my deep thought for the lunch hour, I told my friend who sent me the message that I was thinking way to hard for Friday. Maybe I am thinking too hard about this too.

So, it's 5 til one, time to get back at it. If you set goals for yourself in 2015, hope they are starting out well. And if you didn't, don't decide you have blown it, everyone says each day is a new day, but the fact is, each minute is a new minute, you don't have to wait until you wake up to have a do over.

M