My first of two Saturdays this week, I feel like having Monday off gives me another Saturday, especially since Andrew will be at work (if his belly lets him--the hernia is getting bigger and bigger).
My list is long, ridiculously long, and of course I was off last Monday too, with a long list, which I pretty well got done. My mom says, "It didn't occur to you to rest, did it?". Well, no, it didn't. I don't do resting well, although I am trying, maybe.
I have a friend who is a stay-at-home mom most of the time, I remember those days, I only had one to stay at home for though and when his stories about how fantastic his life was were being met by my stories of how many loads of laundry I got done, I knew it was time for me to step out and get a more exciting life too. Now don't get me wrong, I admire and respect those who stay at home even when their kids get older and are in school (and for those of you who homeschool, my hat really goes off, I never had the patience and I KNOW BETTER than to pray for more patience!). For the most part, you get to be the room moms and the chaperones and the house that everyone congregates to. I was blessed in that the job I have, I was able to take off work and still do all those things, and I think our house was the one to congregate to because Robert was an only so there were no brothers and sisters around--that and the food. I even was able to rearrange my schedule and take off early on band days to be home when they got here. I love my job.
However, I just want to remind my friend and any other stay-at-home moms that are going back to work, even if just a couple days a week: your house is not going to be as spotless, stop trying to keep things the way you did when you stayed home. More than likely, nobody knows but you. And I am talking about the little things you do when you are in that house all day, like making sure there is no dust on the light fixtures, I used to have a recipe box that had my daily cleaning chores on it. Three times a day, I picked up the house, my kid and I were the only ones even home, so I did it for myself. Now, if I am home and Andrew is not, I pick up about 15 minutes before he comes home. And if we are both gone all day, I do everything in an hour of a morning before I go to work. And I totally understand not wanting to give that up, I have OCD when it comes to organization but there is a point in time when you have to draw the line. Give yourself permission to realize that you are helping the family by bringing in an outside income......and as hard as it is to admit, it is okay to do something for your own sanity.
I was raised that you put Jesus first, others next and yourself last. I took this to heart, and to an extreme. I thought this meant if I came home from work and sat down and there was one basket of laundry to be done, I needed to do it or I was putting myself first. I equated "putting myself last" with "taking care of myself last ". When you have a family to take care of, taking care of yourself is REALLY part of taking care of that family. I didn't really want to face that until I was diagnosed with the UC. My doctor would say you have to find time to just relax, and I would say I can't. I don't do it real well yet, but I have learned that just because I see a cobweb in a corner doesn't mean the guys are going to, or for that matter even any neighbor stopping by.....and if they have time to look for the cobwebs, maybe they have time to clean my house for me.
As I started working more, our whole family changed, I know in the days when every woman got to stay at home, the house was her responsibility. I feel that has changed. Andrew actually has more hours in a row off than I do, it doesn't kill him to do a load of laundry, or do up the dishes when he is home. Most of the time, I have them done, but if I am having a hectic week, he doesn't think twice, and in its own quiet way, his willingness to do that shows me how much he loves me too. He really doesn't care if the house is clean, or the laundry is done for that matter, as long as there is a pair of pants to put on and a shirt, he is fine. But he knows I care, and that makes him care. When I am gone for a few days at a time, I can always count on coming home to a clean house, not cleaner than I left, but just as clean as when I did.
As your family grows and changes, you need to grow and change too. Just remember the poem about 100 years from now. The housekeeping will be there, the kids will be grown and gone too quick. Don't wear yourself out trying to do it all. Enjoy your kids and your family and the job, and the rest will fall into place without you falling apart.
No comments:
Post a Comment