Ramblings

I guess I have been doing a lot of "Ramblings" lately. Seems like life is kinda coming at me in a blur. I made the statement about a month ago that I felt like I was on a bicycle peddling as hard as I could into a 90 mph wind; then I went to a conference and attended a workshop on stress. When we went through the things in life that are supposed to cause you stress, I basically had no stress....in other words, no reasons to complain.....and deep down inside I know it. I have had a very blue week-it has been a week of reminiscing and it has made me both sad and happy at the same time, how that happens, I will never understand--but it has.

Tuesday, a staple in my life went away--forever. Nita Wellbaum died Tuesday morning, this is someone that, except for the few years we were away, I saw at least three times a week. On Sunday night, she was sitting in her spot in choir, eventhough she didn't feel good she was there. What would any of us said to her, had we known it was the last time we would ever talk. Yes, there were days she would drive me nuts, she hadn't heard so well the last few years and didn't like to wear her hearing aid, she could also be a little eccentric but most of the time, it was just funny little things. Let me tell you things I remember; I remember being a little girl and watching Lowell and Nita skate around a skating rink like they were right out of a Norman Rockwell painting, they could do the same thing on Teddy Marrs' pond at Christmas. They were two peas in a pod and they made skating look effortless. I remember them taking me to Springfield when my mom was in the hospital. I also remember (in 1981) while we were there, visiting Kurt who showed us his office and then showed us this amazing thing--he could type something on his computer at work, then we went to his apartment, where he could pull up what he typed--it was straight out of star trek for this little freshman girl. I remember after my dad died, spending tons of Saturday nights at their house, playing pennies, a good game that Nita taught us (I to this day remember the night I got everyone out by saying I had never had an "L" in my name--I still could say that!). Oh I remember---right to two months ago, the last time Lowell and Nita and I all got to go to Simple Blessings at Casey on Sunday afternoon, Robert and I rode with them. We talked about those times, and about Todd. I told Robert about Todd hanging on the poles in the basement, tonight I told Todd he would have to show Robert how to do that, I never imagined it would be the weekend of Nita's funeral--just never imagined.

I also had a chat with Tom Matson this week, seems Miss D is failing considerably and to just hear about it kills me. So much of who I am today is because of her. Because she believed in me and told me that constantly--I told Mom this morning, when everything was going wrong at home, Miss D would sit and listen, she would invite herself to listen--she wouldn't just say "How are you?" She would ask specific questions that made that freshman girl whose life felt like it was all bent out of shape know she cared--don't get me wrong, I have an entire church family who, had it not been for them, I am sure I would be some deep dark place in the same situation as the ones I help on a daily basis, but I almost classify my church family just like I do my Mom, they are family, they have to love you (most of the time anyway, after all they all helped raise me). Miss D just did because she did. She didn't have any family outside of us kids, we were her family.

The other half of Miss D for me of course was Mrs. Nichols. I loved her too. She is watching her grandson go through a horrible ordeal right now and it pains me also. She had wrote on Ben's Caringbridge about the kids she knew and who they have grown into and who they have changed into. There is a short list of people in the world who I would always want to know I was doing what was right in their eyes. She is one of them and just like when I was in high school. The way she has kept her faith in the Lord through all of this has been an inspiration for me to be the best person I can be.

I have bawled more this week than I have in a long time. Tomorrow, the choir is singing for Nita's funeral, I always think I have the easiest part in the choir when we sing at funerals because I have my back to everyone. Tomorrow though, I will be facing a gap where Nita would have been, where she was just 6 days ago. Tomorrow evening I get to go to the wedding of a little girl that I got to watch grow up much as Nita did me. When Lowell asked for the choir to sing, the first songs that popped in my head was "The Old Rugged Cross" and "In the Garden", know why? Because they were the songs Nita played on the organ at my dad's funeral.

I think I could ramble forever, but there are things that need to be prepared for tomorrow and it is time I do that. I truly hope Sunday starts the beginning of a much brighter week.