Deep Thoughts

Do you ever have a memory stored away and just know you remembered it correctly only to find out it was wrong? I have had that happen this week and it bugs me....on many different levels. The memory happened 30 years ago and itself is not important. It just gets me that my brain had transferred the whole ordeal to a different person. I don't know why and that is what brings me to the title.

Do you remember those people in your life you couldn't fathom going 24 hours without talking to? Do you still go less than 24 hours without talking to them? If no, what happened? I have been thinking a lot about how people move in and out of our lives. There have been people in my life that I thought would always be there, and then they weren't. And then they are back. I hate to think I have started having a hard time with change but apparently I have. I tend to over-think the what if's and the why's. Why did we go our separate ways in the first place, why can't I remember when that happened and worst yet, am I going to get burned if I start letting them into my life again?

Earlier this year, in one day, I was faced with not one but two of those people. I actually came home and cried. Somehow, I had went for years without this bothering me but it being slammed in my face seemed to wake me up. Thanks to facebook, we had rekindled some kind of mutual acquaintanceship but these were people that at one point in my life, knew my deepest, darkest secrets, my thoughts, my fears, everything about the real me. And now we are reduced to less than Christmas card exchangers. It made me think about all of my earlier life friends. One particular relationship I am assuming we had one more bad day that we did good. This was actually an old boyfriend and I can't help but hear the Garth song about some of God's greatest gifts being unanswered prayers. The only thing is, they weren't unanswered, God said no and somehow I guess one or both of us didn't care enough to ask if He was sure. That is the only boyfriend relationship that I can't remember the ending, I don't remember a blow-up (though there were several of them!), or being thrown against a tree (yes, it happened), or finding out the guy had two classrings, and indeed, two steady girlfriends (oh yes, that one happened too), or that he wanted to date someone else, (yep, this one too complete with telling me who it was--my cousin, no less and it was priceless, he didn't know she was my cousin OR that she was engaged, he just wanted to find her and see what she would say, needless to say--I let him. lol. ) or finding out later that he decided he wasn't into girls (twice).  I guess now I wish I had a more cut and dried answer for that one relationship as well as some of the others of my friendships that ended instead of the shoulder shrugging "we just aren't close anymore" and then to the "I haven't talked to them in years", but my question is still why and why can't I remember?

This all made me think of this poem:

People come into your path for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you know which one it is, you will know what to do with that person.
When someone is in your life for a REASON it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a dificulty…
To provide you with guidance and support…
To aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually…
They may seem like they are a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.
Then without any wrongdoing on your part, or at an inconvenient time, this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die…
Sometimes they walk away…
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand….
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled…
Their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has now been answered and now it is time to move on.
Some people come into your life for a SEASON.
Because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it, it is real. But only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons.
Things you must build upon to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind, but friendship is clairvoyant.
Thank you for being a part of my life…
Whether you were a reason, a season or a lifetime
~ unknown author

Before anyone reads anything into any of this I know one thing for sure: when Andrew and I went on our first date, all of the other failures made sense.  Between the above mentioned boyfriend and Andrew, I actually got engaged. I wanted so badly for that to be right at the time, but somewhere deep down, I just couldn't make myself accept it. Again, when Andrew came along, it all made sense. He was the one God made for me, and I waited it out and he waited it out, and we got to be together. I thank God for that daily.

 In closing, I just want to say to all of those out there that still have their BFF's close, keep them there. I would give anything in the world if we didn't have these big gaps of seeing each other with my friends from high school and since we aren't used to making time for each other, it is hard to schedule things now. I have friends now and I like hanging around with them but I always go back to that line from Stand by Me. I know I've quoted it before but it never gets old to me: I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve.

So, if you were in my life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime, know that I treasured that time, and if you are in my life now, I hope that I do a better job of letting you know how important you are to me.

M