Monday, June 22, 2015


That describes so much of my life right now. I don't know that I have ever felt like I have been pulled in so many different directions or that I have had so many things that should be taking first place in my life right now.

Our situation with State LIHEAP funds is a mess, and there is no easy way to tell what all is going on. Bottom line though, the Governor wants to use money that isn't his (or the State's). When he didn't get by with that, he simply "suspended" our ability to use it coming July 1. In theory, having it stopped for a few days shouldn't be any big deal; in reality, any gap in service shuts down our entire Percentage of Payment Plan. That is looking more real every day. There are many things that are simple solutions, and you would think that lifting the suspension would be a simple solution. The secondary problem is at the State level, guess who runs the LIHEAP program? Duh, State workers. If we have no budget July 1, many of them will not be supposed to go to work. Things are just a mess and I just can't help but think of my many, many clients, especially my seniors who are caught in the crossfire. It makes me want to throw up, and since I'm a stress eater, it makes me want to eat. That is a weird feeling, nausea and supposed hunger all at the same time.

That brings me to another dilemma, I have been letting my weight get completely away from me. UGH!!  It is the stress and I know it. When I get home of an evening, all I want to do is eat and sleep. I don't want to get out of bed of a morning because I know the possibility of yet another really bad day is on the horizon.  Thursday night though, I got on the scales. I know, you aren't supposed to weight of an evening, but I did. I was at a number worse than I had ever seen and it scared me, badly. Needless to say, I have spent the weekend trying to get ahold of myself and I am heading in the right direction. I have planned out every bite I am eating this week and plan to have the rest of the month and into July planned by the end of the week. I am forcing myself to get out of bed and exercise. I also am finding that I still remember what having a lot of this weight off felt like. That is nerve wracking as well because I relate all of my exercise to trying to do it while carrying ALL of my groceries in at one time, and that is how clumsy I feel after gaining all this weight. Part of it truly was 3 months back on prednisone, but a lot of it was not.

I am supposed to speak at the LIHEAP conference on August 12th, that gives me a goal and something to work HARD for. I wish I had the time to try to do something like the Biggest Loser. I truly know if I had all day every day just to devote myself to losing weight, I could. However, I would get kicked out the first hour because I can't seem to stay away from work. I am off today and already had a friend from Ameren try to tell me to get lost, I was supposed to be on staycation. I guess I hadn't explained to anyone (including myself) that staycation includes staying in touch with work.

So, Day 1 of my Staycation, (actually day 1.5, because I started a project yesterday just because we didn't have church last night). I emptied my upright freezer, sorted the food in it, took the good stuff to one of the freezers in the basement and threw the old stuff out, and defrosted that freezer, that was all last night. This morning, I worked on putting stuff back in the upright, and then sorting the other two. I stopped though because I have a lot of stuff to go to the trash :-(, (veggies from '12 and '13) and was afraid I would run out of trashcan space. Will do the rest a couple of bags at a time. I also cleaned my canned food area, noticed I am completely out of my homemade meat sauce (come on tomatoes!), and cleaned the area around my treadmill, bike and weight machine. I am making plans for Thursday afternoon to clean up the rest of that area.  I actually changed my vaca to all day today and Friday, half days Tuesday and Thursday and all day Wednesday.

It is almost noon and I am really tired of going up and down the stairs. So, going to clean up, eat lunch, run some errands, get some stuff ready for a friend to come and pick up and then, maybe, just maybe, I may relax for a bit before either guy gets home for dinner.

Happy Monday, oh and I mentioned a summer bucket list; my list has now officially become "just get through the next day". I am truly looking forward to things being in a state where I really can take a week off and not worry about things.

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